She sees me eating lunch as she comes through my front door just gabbing away on her phone. Granted, it was only chips and hot dogs, but it was still my lunch. And, they weren’t just any hot dogs, they were special hot dogs. When I’m marinating anything for the grill, I’ll open a package of hot dogs and I’ll pierce them with a fork, and marinate them at the same time. Then I’ll grill them and put them in the fridge to reheat later in the week for lunch.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a strange situation occur. I had someone come in wanting me to verify an online purchase they made - and I knew them! They were actual customers of mine. Every single time that’s happened in the past, and it’s happened a lot, it’s a total stranger. This was a first and it went something like this.

As a card carrying member of the jewelry industry, I speak from experience when I say “we need to talk” to my customers. In all reality though, I’m just trying to save them from a very costly lawsuit against me. Because, if we don’t have ‘the talk’ first, they may be foolishly thinking that the thingy they are trying to hand me is actually worth something. Because, when it all goes to hell on my bench, they may actually try to sue me for negligence which is hardly ever true. In most cases, the problem they are bringing to me today started in a faraway land several years ago.

*Opening scene* Neal Lane walks through the sparkling clean jewelry factory, exuding power and authority.  Neal will be wearing a dark blue Armani suit with a red power tie.

*Production Note* This set has been built on soundstage 7. No, we can’t shoot this scene at a real jewelry shop. Have you ever seen how dirty and disorganized those places are? Yuck. We need clean and shiny, just like the real world.

I saw him get out of his car, walk up the sidewalk, and head towards my front door. I knew right where this one was heading. I could see a watch in one hand, and a watch battery in the other. I could tell what it was because it was in that oversized blister pack you get if you buy a single watch battery at Walmart instead of at my store. And, to make matters even worse, I had just sat down to my lunch of caramelized onion and cream cheese chicken enchiladas. I hadn’t even taken my first bite yet!

*Tap, Tap

*Tap, Tap, Tap

*Tap, Tap, is this thing on?

“Is anyone out there?”

“This is Chuck Koehler, from Nashville, Tennessee in the United States. Can anybody hear me?”

“I repeat, this is Chuck Koehler, from Nashville, Tennessee in the United States. Can anybody hear me?”